When did Betty CROCKer get into baseball?

Thank the LORD I am not doing fantasy baseball this year! (literally). I would be going crazy. I decided to take a quick glance at the baseball season and see what was going on. I went to the stat leaders site on Yahoo! Umm... what the?!

Let's go down the line:
AL
1. Joe Mauer is hitting a SICK .381! I know it's early, but you can bet the Ted Williams talk will start if he can keep it up until the All-Star break.
2. Alex Rios finally bloomed. Hitting .341, not a bad jump for a career .286 hitter.
3. At first, I was surprised to see Jermane Dye with 19 HRs this early, but then I checked his stats and realized that injuries jaded my opinion, BUT his season best is 33 and he is almost 2/3 there and about 1/3 thru the season.
4. 2004 is looking more like a stumble and less like a trademark for Jose Contreras who is now looking like the highly-sought-after Cuban pitcher the Yankees swiped. But 7-0 with a 2.61 ERA and a 1.02 WHIP has me scratching my head.
5. Mike Mussina apparently has remembered how to pitch. After 2 pretty bad years with some really awful outings, Moose is looking like the stud he once was... or was supposed to be.
NL
1. Raise you hand if you thought you would see Freddy Sanchez on the Batting Leaderboard?... LIAR! Who had heard of Freddy Sanchez before this year?
2. Umm, Brandon Webb is 8-1 with a 2.06 ERA. I guess he finally arrived.
3. Brad Penny has managed something he hasn't done yet: pitch well and stay healthy enough to make it count. (2004 was close, but if I am not mistaken, he went down shortly after the Dodgers got him).
4. Jason Schmidt (see Brad Penny).
5. Tom Glavine, Wandy Rodriguez and Bronson Arroyo lead the NL in Wins. I don't think I even need to explain the absurdity of this.
6. Aaron Harang is on pace to shatter his season best for Ks and Wins.

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about all this and can worry about more important things, like whether to have a DQ softserve or mango and sticky rice for dessert.